No silver lining
by BlackPhenomenon
Summary: It happened. One day, three weeks after he dragged my sorry unconscious ass back to Konoha NaruSasu, NaruSaku ?Sasu. T for potty mouth, and non-graphic yaoi.


Hi everyone! Well first fanfic, first text ever written in english for the purpose of entertainement, so I'm really sorry about any mistake you could find. Please report them, thank you! Now, bonne lecture!

It happened. One day, three weeks after he dragged my sorry unconscious ass back to Konoha. I wasn't really sure if I was grateful, pissed off or simply relieved. Everything had ended with the defeat of Akatsuki. Itachi was dead, and my dreams of seeing the Hidden Leaf Village burn smashed. Everything ended with the seals covering up my body, forbidding even the tiniest use of chakra.

Anyway it happened, in the Uchiha compound, right here on the floor.

« So, they let you live.» said Naruto, breaking his stressed grin into a relieved expression.

« Yeah. » I answered.

« What was the deal? »

« Nothing relevant. I'm no longer a ninja, house arrest, chakra bounds. »

« How long? »

« Life sentence. » Then we stayed quiet, for what appeared to be a long, almost eternal time. Something I never thought possible for him.

« Are you mad at me? » he enquired.

« What for? »

« I'm the reason you're not a ninja anymore…. »

« It doesn't really matter. I have accomplished my purpose. » Yes, Itachi was dead, and about the village….where exactly was the interest in killing so much innocent people? Yes, I valued innocence.

« No you didn't » he asserted. I raised an eyebrow. Who was he to say that? « You still have to revive your clan. »

« Well, I guess I will have plenty of time for that now. » He looked at me, dumbfounded

« Whoah! I heard Sasuke make a joke! Somebody just pinch me! »I did. « Whoah that was rhetorical Teme! »

« Hn. » I was the only one in the room to do that right? Anbus on the roof didn't count. Then he said.

« So, do you still like me? » And the answer came, almost subconscious.

« Yes. »

« I'm glad. »

« Do you? » I found myself asking.

« Think I proved that. » He raised a hand and touched my arm, ever so slightly but reflexes kicked in, I caught it. He chuckled, not even trying to dodge or escape. « Now, I know you're really back. » In a swift motion he was close to me, in this annoying way he had to invade personal space. « Look at me. » His eyes had changed. Not in colour nor shape. He had matured and I was the reason of it. Something I achieved. « Don't space out on me. » he growled, taking my face into his hands. « I don't want you to look that sad ever again. Everything is better now right? »

« Yeah. » I breathed. Whatever demon possessed me must have been pretty damn strong. I caught his lips in a kiss, more of a brush then a push when he didn't react. He was so close, he was so warm and alive. I was dead, such a truth since they killed me back then, I was so cold.

Really, I just wanted not to feel that, that life devoid of all purpose they forced me in. It was so innocent at first, in my idea, but things got….why did he responded to the kiss? Why did his hands keep crawling under my shirt?

I submitted. And I gladly took everything, the pain I deserved, the rush of pleasure that seemed to be the only thing that kept my heart beating. I felt so ashamed in that moment, he must have sensed it because his lips moved on mine, caring and loving, that was not new, but so gentle. I remembered nothing much in the aftermath, he left with a kiss and I fell asleep.

He came back, every three days or so. At first, he was like a fix. I needed so badly that awkward entanglement of limbs and sloppy kisses and white feelings. He was always gentle, I responded tenderly. Out of the bedroom we still fought and called names but that was another territory. Inside, and I was not very proud to say it, it was a matter of heart, nothing related to pride should ever enter. Yes, at first he was like a weird, blond, sunny medication I needed for my heart to remember beating, dadum dadum.

I already knew back then, he was dating Sakura. He kissed her too, and banged her. I wasn't jealous even if I didn't understand why he was being unfaithful. He never stayed, never cuddled nor bring gifts. I wasn't his mistress. Then what? I asked in the middle of foreplays.

« You need me to do this. » he answered, hand in my hair, the other….somewhere.

« So? » I needed further explanations at this point.

« I would do anything for you Sasuke. To keep you alive and with me. » I took his mouth into a hungry kiss and asked again.

« What about Sakura? »

« We never said it would be exclusive. And I know she slept with Kiba during a mission last week. »

« Doesn't it bother you? »

« Jeez, you're killing the mood! Everything is okay, stop asking! It's mission sex, everybody knows it happens. » Mission sex, right. I was still a mission to him it appeared. I was afraid to ask if his heart was with mine, in the bedroom. I wanted so bad to be delusional for a little while.

I should have known. He was my saviour, my strongest bond, my lover, the pillar of my life. Next was love and I fell, hard and for good. I didn't say a thing, for a year. He was the only one of the three people I still was somewhat social with, coming willingly to my house, checking if I was alive and well. And each time I saw him, my heart was able to beat for the next days. I simply wanted to keep it that way, not ruin anything that was between us that made him come back to me.

I became jealous when they came together, for the first time. I saw Sakura, and him behind. And I knew something was wrong. They looked so happy together, so perfect, an image for children books and advertisement. I merely talked, watching how they interacted and smiled. Was he any different when he was with me? She left early.,

As soon as the door was closed, I kissed him.

« I have you all to myself. » I said before dragging him into the bedroom. I lit up a smoke after, he was already showering. I wanted to say it all, once he would be out, I love you, stay with me, everything will be alright as long as you're with me, please. He came out, naked, I opened my mouth.

« There's something I wanted to tell you. » It was not my voice but his. He sat down and ruffled my hair. « Sakura's pregnant. » I was stuck, my cigarette hanging between my fingers. What?

« Tomorrow, I will ask her to marry me. »

« Oh. »

« It means I will not be able to do this again. I won't break my vows. »

« Oh. »

« But you will be fine right? The old hag is cutting a deal for you to get out of this freaking place and be allowed to walk around the village. There will be people in your life again. »

« What about you? »

« I'm still your best friend. I will drop by as often as possible. » How was I suppose to react? How was I suppose to say what I really wanted and deny him his family? Assuming he would stay. I knew he wouldn't.

« Alright then. » And it was the hardest thing I had to say. « I will have to find another friend with benefits. » The chuckles I had attempted died. The smoke burned my finger, leaving a red scar.

« Yeah well! You need a wife anyway. I'm off. » And he disappeared. God, I loved him. And it hurt like a hundred tsukiyomi at once. I cried, blame me.

I was never more glad for the stubborn pricks called the Council. I was still under house arrest when they get married so I didn't have to attend the party. They lifted it off soon after and I could walk around the village.

People were not even looking at me. Good. I couldn't deal with hated glares and other curses. I met Shikamaru, still hadn't forgave me the mission where Chouji almost died, and Ino. She was a good start when looking for THAT kind of friends. I brought her home, drank with her, chatted a little, then we were on the couch. But I couldn't get off. I could safely say all the Kama sutra was used but not even a shudder. Fuck. She left pretty much riled up against me, saying very loudly that she was sure I was gay now. I stopped at the idea while taking my usual smoke. Maybe that was it. I would try a guy next time.

Naruto still came, every three days, with food and movies and he would talk of the baby, and Sakura, how he was not lonely anymore and how the old hag was having him almost sick of work with the special training and all. Ninjas are good at ignoring pain and I remembered everything Ibiki and Orochimaru together taught me to escape any will to just curl up and wail.

I was amazed my heart didn't stop beating without him. The irony was here. He gave me the will to live back, even without a purpose. Fucker.

I simply refused to see Sakura again, didn't want to face that fat belly of hers and her smug smile of pregnant woman. It was a simple matter of dignity.

It was already six months since the last time he made love to me. I blinked slowly while realizing. Unhappiness makes time fly too apparently. Despise the fact I was a lovesick fool, I needed a good shag, badly. Grown-ups have that kind of urges. I took my time to look. A gay men, blond, someone who will not get attached nor seek any glory by fucking the last Uchiha. I didn't even thought relationship, that was not the matter. I came up with the perfect person, Genma Shiranui, much too old, much too multiple partners kind of guy to cling on me.

I hit on him for about twenty minutes in a bar before he started looking for my amygdales. It took only ten after that, for things to become real serious. By the almighty will of fire, he was talented! He was rough and draw some ungodly sounds out of me. I'm not proud to say he introduced me to the world of condoms, but that was good. This thin latex barrier was necessary between us.

After, I cried, right here in his bedroom, beside him.

« Grieving over an ex? » he asked, handing me a smoke.

« Yes. » I reached out and took a clumsy draw.

« I hear your pain. » That was all. We smoke, I dried my tears and left.

It became a regular occurrence, I was his Saturday night. Sometimes at my house, sometimes at his. We relieved tension, talked a little. He was funny and became a friend. We did not have tender gestures toward each other, just this one, he would let me pat his honey blond hair, I would allow him to stroke the scars on my back.

« Who do you mourn? » I asked him one night, his hand on my back.

« Raido. » he answered, not stopping, not even blinking. « You? »

« He's still alive. »

« Oh. »

« We had an affair, he was with a girl. He ended up marrying her. » I felt almost sick and dirty remembering Sakura.

« Tough luck. »

« Some would say. » I replied casually.

« You know kid. » he said softly. « Don't get too upset over this guy. Some loves are just not meant to bloom and live. »

« I'm not. »

« But you're still not happy because of it. »

« Are you happy with the death of Raido? » I replied, cringing. Maybe he was older, but he surely didn't knew nor understand me well enough for that kind of talk.

« Yeah. Honestly kid. I love him; I would have spent my life with him, it was not meant to happen, I have to carry on and be alive. So let it be. I will never settle for another person but I have found happiness again. »

« You fuck too much to even have time for brooding. » I chuckled slightly, gently playing with his hair.

« So true. You should try. »

« No thanks. I don't need slut to be added to the lovely words villagers say to me. »

« Is that an insult? » he grunted, not really displeased.

« Simple fact. » I said lazily, tossing the sheets on the floor so I could leave. He put an arm around my waist, squeezing a little.

« Stay. After that kind of talk we should cuddle. »

« Not in your sweatiest dreams. » I groaned, but I lied nevertheless. And we woke up tangled to each other, we ate breakfast together and left for our works. So disgustingly like a normal couple. Before I reached the door he said softly.

« Let's never do that again. »

« Agreed. » I stopped then and smiled, for the first time in a long time. « See you Saturday. » He nodded.

« Sasuke!! » A blond blur practically knocked me out cold before beginning what could only be referred to as, the dance of the drunken camel. The image was…unsettling. Then I realized it was him.

« Hello Naruto. » I greeted softly. « Long time no see. »

« Well, I was on a mission, then Sakura was all cranky over how fat she looked so I had to take extra care of her and then…..well, now I'm a father! » He jumped on me to give me one hug ,squishing enough to put Lee to shame for at least a year or two. « I'm a Daddy!! » I practically saw the emphasis of the word. I lingered a little on his chest, since he was not releasing me. « It's a beautiful boy, big and all! And he has blue eyes and blond hair and everything like me! »

« What's his name? » I asked, playing with the hair at the back of neck. That was almost like cheating but it felt so good, like sweet alcohol pouring down my veins and rain all over you after a bad heat wave.

« Ichiro! » he beamed, his hands all over me and suddenly, he kissed me. That was it, the warmth, the thing Genma could never give me, this taste, all my nerves screaming out to him. I felt not happy, deliriously at home, ecstatically overwhelmed, protected. I melted in his arms and pinned him to the wall before we broke the kiss, panting.

« What was that? »

« You started it. » I said innocently. The why hanged around, but there was no need to say it. It was just the heat of the moment, when a body you know so well stood so close.

« Yeah but…..It felt like a man, like you're fighting again. » I was stunned, and vexed.

« Do you think of me as a woman? » I asked, a dangerous flare in my tone.

« No! Just……in sexual intercourse you were always so….passive. Almost like you were…..I don't know, offering yourself not completely willing. »

« What? » I didn't understand anything anymore. I was always willing, hell I started the whole shebang!

« When I was dreaming about us getting together that way…..It was always harsher….Like in those fights with you I loved so much. But you never questioned my domination, nothing. »

« I….. »

« It was almost as if you were so sorry and it was the only way you could express your apologies. »

« That was a little true. » I admitted.

« Oh? Then what is the big bad truth? » he asked, smirking like me, only with this shinny glint in his eyes that made the expression alive. I filled the gap and kissed his eyelids softly when he closed his eyes.

« They are so many. A first, it was so selfish because I needed you like medication, just to live. Then love came to the surface. But all in all, it was my way to surrender completely to you, like you deserve it.» Because I belonged to him, no matter what. I was his conquest and prize. I stepped back. « Now that you know, go back to your wife and child. They need you more than I do. »

« Sasuke…» he said softly, taken aback by everything I had said.

« Don't worry. You've cured everything in me. Go or I will kick your ass out, taijutsu style. » I grinned then smiled and he ran.

He had left and all I could do was sit on the floor, exactly where I was. I knew I was crying but nothing could get me to stop smiling. I understood now Genma and all this bullshit about loving someone enough to let him go.

Silver lining in the sky he? Well, there was none to me, just some eternal sundown I would watch with melancholy. But I suddenly felt like I was warm enough on my own to carry on and live. What a strange feeling.


End file.
